GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT
With sales sluggish due to the ongoing strike, and its share of the domestic
market down 11 percent in the last year, General Motors unveiled a new
instant-win airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all
of the company's 2007 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of
marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 2007 sales
significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your
next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to the next Super Bowl,
or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until June 1, 2007, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,
'Oh, boy, this could be it-I could be a big winner!'" said Cincinnati's
Martin Frelks, who lost his wife but won $50 Sunday when the Buick
LeSabre they were driving hit an oil slick at 60 mph and slammed into
an oncoming truck. "When the car stopped rolling down the embankment, I
knew Ellen was dead, but all I could think about was getting the blood
and glass out of my eyes so I could read that airbag!"
"It's really addictive," said Sacramento, CA, resident Marjorie Kamp,
speaking from her hospital bed, where she is listed in critical
condition with severe brain hemorrhaging and a punctured right lung.
"I've already crashed four cars trying to win those Super Bowl tickets,
but I still haven't won. I swear, I'm going to win those tickets-even
if it kills me!"
Kamp said that as soon as she is well enough, she plans to buy a new
Pontiac GP and drive it into a tree.
GM officials are not surprised the airbag contest has been so well
received. "In the past, nobody really liked car wrecks, and that's
understandable. After all, they're scary and dangerous and, sometimes,
even fatal," GM CEO Paul Offerman said. "But now, when you drive a new
GM car or truck, your next serious crash could mean serious cash. Who
wouldn't like that?"
Offerman added that in the event a motorist wins a prize but is killed,
that prize will be awarded to the next of kin.
According to GM's official contest rules, odds of winning the grand
prize, a brand-new 2007 Solstice GXP, are 1 in 43,000,000.
Statistical experts, however, say the real chances of winning are
significantly worse. "If you factor in the odds of getting in a serious
car accident in the first place-approximately 1 in 720,000--the actual
odds of winning a prize each time you step in your car are more like 1
in 31 trillion."
Further, even if one is in an accident, there is no guarantee the
airbag will inflate. "I was recently broadsided by a drunk driver in my
new Chevy," said Erie, PA, resident Jerry Polaner. "My car was
totaled, and because it was the side of my car that got hit, my airbag
didn't even inflate. But what really gets me is the fact that the
drunk driver, who rammed my side with the front of his 2008 Buick,
won a $100 Office Depot gift certificate. That's just wrong!"
