A question foremost in the minds of motoring enthusiasts around the world is what direction Ford will take for the next Mustang. It’s an open secret that a new Mustang will be released in April 2014 on the 50th anniversary of the original Mustang.
A key element in Ford’s strategy was announced today: the outright purchase of BMW. BMW will be folded into Ford as a new division. And, in keeping with the “One Ford” plan, BMW’s existing product plan will be modified to use Ford chassis technology and parts.
The new BMW division has also been ordered to adopt Ford “muscle” styling clichés in order to appeal to the market demographic known as “old fat guys in their 50s”. These are former straight-liners who have reached their economic plateau and seek the appearance of sophistication, but because they have passed their physical and mental prime, need the comfort and reassurance of familiar Ford styling and technology. The SVT M4 will feature wide flat seats, special door hinges for ease of ingress, a “tried and true” inline 6 cylinder engine from Ford of Australia, raised white letter tires, and a 4-link solid rear axle with “quad shocks”. It will be the first product on the market from the new BMW division.
Conversely, spy pictures reveal that the new 2015 Mustang will borrow upmarket BMW styling “influences” in an attempt to retain anxious Mustang buyers who have been leaving for Hyundai and Kia. To speed the new product to market, and as part of Billy Ford’s continued campaign against all things “Jac Nasser”, the Mustang will go back to the SN95 platform. The tooling for the SN95 had been sent to Venezuela in 2005 to be used for a new product there, but the dictator Chavez stopped shipment at the entry port and sent it home saying he didn’t want a “Yankee hand-me-down”. A plan was then formed to use it as the basis of a new Jeepney in the Philippines in 2008, but that plan failed as well. As did a sale of it to the Chinese in 2010, where Hau Thai-Tang, Chairman of the Peoples Original Superior Car Company (POSCC), was quoted as saying “we’ve already copied it”.
So it was conveniently available for use by the 2015 Mustang, and handily met the financial budget as well. The following spy pictures show a final production sign-off prototype, parked outside the palatial suburban Detroit home of returning Team Mustang Chief Janine Bay. When told that the secret plans had been revealed by the press, Ms. Bay was quoted as saying that “the SN95 platform, an update of the FOX platform designed in the middle 70s, ain’t broke and will continue to provide a loyal and faithful basis for the Mustang at least into the 22nd century”.
;-) Happy April Fools Day (or is it?)